Sex Hyperama

After parking my bakkie in a dodgy part of Rosettenville, i proceeded like a ninja, avoiding eye contact and keeping my head down, to the local sex hyperama.
Upon entering this establishment of ill repute, i removed my shades to take in the vista of things to watch, read, wear, eat, rub on, take off, cause pain, relieve stress, put things into, and generally everything you could want if you were very horny.

The vibrator section is an awkward place to stand and browse, you are wondering what other people are wondering what a middle aged man is gonna do with a fucking vibrator, never mind the thoughts that are running through your mind when you think; is buying your wife a dildo twice the size of your own cock actually a good idea! - i didn't buy you one this time!
Moving right along past the gay movies - eyes front - no looking at them just in case you are being tailed by some perverted fucked up moffie that wants to take you home and feed you dog biscuits and make you piss on the rug.

Next we pass the moerse array of porn videos - trying to find a title that arouses some idea of what the movie is all about. Like a connoisseur you take one off the shelf and start reading the back cover - and try and read the story summary without looking at the photo of a chick with a 12" black cock in her mouth looking at you like either she wants you to save her from this imminent rape/fucking or she wants you to try and stick your cock in her mouth too, totally confused, i move onto the bargain basket where you can get 3 DVDs for R200 (what a bargain) now the choices are an indication of why they are only R200 - in each pack you can see one that looks good, one that looks like it was shot in 1973, and one that you can only read the spine (because it's in the fucking middle) - eeny meenie miny mo and there you go - i bought what seemed the best assortment - there's one that's got black & white in the title (that's the on that was in the middle), the other one's got a nurse (that definitely doesn't work at the Clinton) showing off her ass in a white g-string talking to Dr Feelgood and the last on is called High Octane which looks like your run of the mill fuck movie.

Now that the choice has been made, we now have to walk around the Sex Hyperama with porno's illustrating to everyone that you came in to this shop, with the idea of finding something to turn those boring evenings watching Egoli into something wild.
"Fuck them" i thought - what do you go to the Sex Hyperama for anyway? not to buy bread and milk Hey?
Now i need to get some stuff for me and my wife to play with while we watch these epic drama's.
Looking lost, a black guy, with his dungarees and roller blades smoking filter tips, that obviously works there, comes over and asks if i need some help.
"Ja sure, i want something that will make my cock 15" long and allow me to fuck on command for as long as i want to - do you have that product?"
"No Boss"
"Well what's the closest thing you've got then"
We made tracks to a display cabinet that was packed with all sorts of fuck stuff.
Lotions, potions, creams, drops, sprays and toys for all your desires.
After putting my porno's into a basket i had just been handed by my monkey friend, i proceeded to try and figure out what do these potions and lotions claim to do for me.
Lubrication oil that will make you so horny you will fall over - OK one of those please.
Love drops that you put on your tongue - and voila you become a raving sex pervert - OK one of those please.
Stamina spray that you spray on your cock - it apparently numbs the penis to enable you to extend the love making experience - WOW OK a box of those too if you don't mind!
Now what can i get for my wife - Ah Yes - I'll show you tonight ( i have to keep something back for later)
"OK" i said to the monkey "i need to get out of here before people start thinking I'm starting my own escort agency"
The black woman working behind the till looks at me and says "will that be all sir"
"That's about as much as i can carry"
"Very well, lets ring it up then"
"That will be R500, sir"
"Fuck it - put it on the credit card"
"Would you like a bag with that sir"?
"No thanks I'm gonna walk down the main road in Rosettenville with my arms full of sex toys and videos and see how far i get without getting fucked up by some guy taking his kids for an ice cream - of course i want a fucking bag - and not a see through one either"
With the formalities now over, i put my ninja suit back on and squeeze through the door into the blinding sunlight, keeping as close to the walls as possible.
Back in the bakkie i give the car guard R2 and pull away like Sarel.
Shopping at the Sex Hyperama is fun???